I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
