I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
