Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
