Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
