i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
