i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
