considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
