I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
