I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
