my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
