Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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