i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am naked and annoyed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
