return my video game
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
