I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
