I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
