Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
