I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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