I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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