Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
