Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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