eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
