Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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