It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
don't judge my taste in strippers
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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