you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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