I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
