she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
