I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
