we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
