Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
