I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
