I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
