Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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