I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
