don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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