READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
