32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
