A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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