I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
