dude i'm inner monologue high
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
