I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found puke in my bra..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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