I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
