just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
