Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
