plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
