Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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