i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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