You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
