Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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