we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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