id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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