I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
