mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
