I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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